Could we please study something else?

This last year I've spent some substantial time looking over my life story. Specifically connecting the dots to see God's Sovereignty. A lot of the time we can't see all the connections or any great significance to a current situation, but when I do see them, I love it. My heart is over-joyed! There's just something about seeing God's handiwork in my life that gives me the strength to endure today. Have you ever considered God's fingerprints in your own life?

I've also noticed that often the lessons you are learning most acutely are the ones which you are currently being equipped for. I often find re-occurring themes in my quiet time, through discipleship, during bible study and in sermons. Sometimes it feels like a quilt. Smaller broken pieces carefully woven together to create a beautiful blanket. The same biblical principle from different approaches, all coming together purposed for my heart.

Now I'm not sure where this fits on my quilt, maybe it's only a small piece appliqued on one section, but I know I see God's handiwork all over it.

The last two months have been abnormally emotionally and physically exhausting as relational, business, health, and fall schedule stresses mounted. And then last week I was in what officers called, "a minor single car accident". Clearly the word minor is relative. But let me back up a bit.

I was coming home just before 11pm, turning the corner at a familiar intersection. It was dark and wet after lightly raining all day. I lost control, the side airbags deployed and I found myself on the median facing the wrong direction. I called 911. "I lost control" doesn't really carry the same meaning, unless you've actually done it yourself. I had no idea what was happening, and I had no control over how to stop it. It wasn't until I was talking with the officers on scene that we sort of pieced together what had happened.

Apparently, I hydroplaned on the wet roads, fish-tailed, slammed into the median and then whipped back around and landed on the median facing the wrong direction.

I don't recommend it.

Despite the frightening experience, I have lots to be thankful for: I was alone in the car and wearing my seat belt. There was no one else around or involved in the accident. I didn't roll. I had side impact airbags, an option I insisted on when we bought the car 5 years ago, and which likely prevented a head injury. Police were on the scene in less than 2 minutes from my coming to a stop. The tow truck was there within 10 minutes, and so was my Dad, who waited with me, helped remove the kids car seats and drove me home. Although I was sore and stiff, after a few of days the pain subsided, and I seem to be fine.

So now we wait. Considering the airbags, a brief preliminary statement from the auto body shop & some friends, we are under the impression the car will be totaled. This wouldn't be that big a deal, but in six weeks we're driving to the Oregon coast for Thanksgiving. This 'minor' accident has caused some huge waves.

How much will the insurance company reimburse us? Will we be able to replace the car before our road trip north? What options do we have? The list goes on and on and is added to by all those other details of life, relationship and ministry. And I admit it, I'm worried.

It is no coincidence we decided months ago we'd be reading, Calm My Anxious Heart this year in Growing Up Mom. God's timing is perfect. I wouldn't have guessed my next life lessons would be about contentment, patience, or trusting in God's perfect and complete provision; in fact I would have graded myself pretty high in those areas. But then apparently life is relative too.

So here I am, asking God, "What are you teaching me?" Looking for the bigger picture on the quilt and waiting patiently (or not so patiently) for Him to point it out. Wishing I wasn't reading about contentment so my lessons could be in something else. And I just want to scream, "Could we please study something else? Something a little less painful, hard and exhausting?!"

My pastor once asked me if I thought the next sermon series should be, "5 reasons Jesus wants you to be rich, happy, and totally satisfied," or "40 days of irresponsible bliss on earth"? I had been lamenting that every series he'd done in the last 5 years, has pulled, stretched and grown me, despite my protesting. I was hoping he could preach some light fluffy sermons to give us a break. But I see his point. What would God be teaching me while my days were blissful? How many would His fingerprints be upon my soul if I was totally satisfied here on earth? Instead I long for him to teach me his ways.

Psalm 86 ¹ Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. ² Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. ³ Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. ⁴ Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, lift up my soul. ⁵ You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. ⁶ Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. ⁷ In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. ⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. ⁹ All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name. ¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. ¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. ¹³ For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

How about you? Are you tired from the lessons? Encouraged by how He orchestrates the events of your life? I hope you're seeing how He's weaves it all together and finding strength for the day as you trust in his provision.

Fung Fu Anxiousness

Have you ever overheard your children's movie and thought, "wow - okay God. I hear you." No? Okay so maybe not that common if you're watching Caillou or Disney princesses. But this did happened to me the other day.

I was cooking dinner and the kids were watching Kung Fu Panda.
"Everybody was kung fu fighting..." Oh wait. That's not where I was going.

Okay, so I was cooking dinner and Oogway and Shifu were talking by the peach tree.

"My friend, [you] will never fulfill [your] destiny, until you let go of the illusion of control. ... I can plant the seed in the ground, cover it with soil, and nurture it with water and sunlight. But I cannot make the tree blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time."

"Let go of the illusion of control." Immediately that still small voice said, "Who's in control? You?" And then gently and tenderly, "Certainly not." You can plant and nurture, but YOU can not make that tree bear fruit.

I can worry about my finances, or my kids education or social skills. I can plan and strategize about where we're going today, tomorrow and next month. I can micromanage the details until I'm sick of my own calendar and schedule. But it's still not going to put me in any more control over the un-controllable.

Those things I'm worried over, like my mother-in-laws aging health, I can't control one bit.

Anything sounding familiar here?

Sounds a lot like the monks story in Calm My Anxious Heart, "Thou hast made it and Thou dost know." God made all these things that weigh me down, these things which cause my anxious heart to spiral out of control, and feel completely overwhelmed. He knows exactly what's going on. Not only does he causes the peach tree to grow and bear fruit, but he does it for me too.

Who better to put my trust in than the one who knows me fully?

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Sweet Sisters! Why do we worry so. He made us. He knows us. He is with us. His hand is upon us. He has ordained our days. What in the world is there to worry about?

So take whatever it is He's whispering to you about right now. And let Him handle it.

^{Phillipians 4:6-7} Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

May it be so for you and for me, today!