I started attending GUM when my oldest was around 18 months. Previously I was serving in the nursery, and saw all these moms dropping off their kids who were around my child's age. Someone suggested that I actually join GUM instead of doing childcare, so I took that scary first step into a room full of women I only knew from seeing them drop off/pick up their children. I knew no names, I only knew them by whomever their child was. Little did I know that taking that scary first step was exactly the step God planned for me to take. My oldest is a stubborn, spirited child and his toddler years were very trying years. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) and if it hadn't been for the community I found at GUM, I would have felt so desperate and lonely. GUM gave me a community of moms who were right in the trenches with me. They prayed for me and prayed for my child.
As we were talking about answered prayers at the last meeting, I started getting emotional as I realized that the majority of people at my table have known me since I started GUM and all the struggles I went through with my oldest. A few of them had children the same ages as mine. Their first borns were the well behaved first born types :) I was the odd one out with the child who threw massive tantrums, who wouldn't stay still, didn't want to listen to me and was constantly running off. I often left park dates in tears as I carried my screaming child under my arm in a football hold b/c he would kick and hit me in order to get me to put him down. Despite that, I kept coming back. I never felt judged for being "that" mom. The mom who couldn't control her child and was just exhausted all the time b/c he was so spirited and challenging. The community I found at GUM was a safe place, a place where I could be honest about my parenting struggles and know that I was welcomed just as I was. Whether I had a good day or a bad day, when I felt like a mean mom who just yelled at my kid out of sheer frustration and helplessness, and when I felt like I was a great mom because my child was listening to me that day! They cheered me on when I had good days and encouraged me when I had bad days. There was not any "well I raise my child this way" talk. It was "You are the best mom for your child and we are supporting you". As other moms came into GUM along the way, the feeling of being included stayed. As our families grew, we all were learning how to parent each of our children the way God so uniquely made them. Every time I came to GUM, I was reminded that we are all in this together.
GUM was one of the first places I said out loud "I think my child (oldest) has ADHD and we're going to have him tested for it". In the grand scheme of things and everything out there, ADHD is so minor. Yet for us, it was a big step. It meant so much to have the support we had as we went through that. I never heard "well he's all boy" or any of the other numerous things I hear when I say my child has ADHD. They said "ok, we'll pray for you & that this helps you figure out where to go from here". As we closed out the last meeting, there was talk of how far my oldest has come and how he's matured and grown. It was also pointed out how much I've grown through raising this sweet boy of mine. I know that it was God's amazing plan for me to attend GUM hesitant and shy all those years ago, and I never dreamed I would have the friendships I do now. I thought I'd attend GUM for a year then say "peace out, I can't handle you guys". I was afraid of being judged and looked down upon. I felt that I would not be good enough and people would not want to be friends with me because of how spirited my child was.
Another aspect of GUM that stretched me and grew me was being surrounded by so many different personalities. I admit there were times I wanted to be like so and so. I admired their mothering style, or I would admire their talents and lament that I did not have that talent. So and so is amazing at this and wow I really suck at it. They won't want to be my friend. I have always been aware (too aware) of my flaws. A lot of times it stopped me from trying to reach out and start a friendship. I am thankful that I crave connection, because that is what made me attend PSA and MNO. Those things went beyond the normal table meeting to really connecting and getting to know other moms. I spent a lot of time in the early years just listening to the others (ha, b/c that's so easy for me to do) when I wasn't running off after my children, and by doing that, I was getting to know them based on how they simply were. I never felt pressured to have to join in - I was simply included by being there. I saw women who loved the Lord, loved their family and each other. Over the years as I went from being shy and on the outskirts to not being shy and fully immersing myself in activities, I learned a lot about who I was. Not just as a mother, but as a person. I felt safe to be me - weird, rambling, funny, quirky me. There were times I would think "I am the biggest dork, why did I ever say that? Why did I do that? They won't like me anymore" but I was still welcomed and loved for who I was.
I posted this before but I do love this excerpt b/c I do feel it describes GUM so well as far as personalities.
In our little group of friends, the people we do community with on a daily basis, there's a crafty mom, a servant mom, a musical mom and a teacher mom. All of the areas that best define my weaknesses are represented in this group. That makes us a powerhouse.
I could look at these women, each of whom is gifted at something totally different than me, and wish I could be more like them. I could spend my days wishing I could do a great job at reaching the hearts of my boys and be the fun mom. Or I could spend my days being thankful that God has surrounded me with friends who bring variety to my life. They fill my gaps, and that's an amazing gift from God. Why? Because we weren't meant to do life alone. God created us for community - created us to need each other to do life well. He created you that way too.
We weren't created to be good at everything, but we're great at some things. So let's vow to let God use us effectively in those areas, and fill the gaps with His grace and good friends.
Don't complicate your life by wishing you were someone else. Be good at who you are - who God made you to be. Know how God says you are, and trust Him to fill in the gaps. Let go of what you're not, and hold on to what you've got.
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For the mamas do not consist of one type but of many amazingly different kinds. If every mama was crafty, who would organize? If every mama was the life of the party, who would bring meals to the sick? But as it is, God has arranged the mamas, each one of them, as He chose. And they are beautiful, and reflect His grace, when they know it, and walk out life together.
- based off 1 Corinthians 12:14, 17-18
-- Hope For the Weary Mom, chapter 2, page 40-41
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